Find Peace Momma!

Why is Therapy so Important for True Healing?
June 22, 2020

Find Peace Momma!

Dear Mom:

Mom you were/are more important than Oprah let me make that clear, especially to me even when it hasn’t always seemed like it. You were basically your own version of Oprah in our hometown of Trenton Ontario. I always knew how many lives you touched every single day in your years of hair styling, you were every single one of your clients shoulder to cry on and confidant. Your hard work and dedication to your business and carrier was an example for many, especially me, you taught me how to work with passion, dedication and love. Your style was always on point, with bright colors, real or faux fur, your hair did and your make up done. Watching you get ready for work every single morning when I was little was the highlight of my day. Even as I got older, sitting on the toilet watching you get ready as we caught up will always be my favorite. You taught me to treat people like they were the “only one in your chair.” Mom you are and were loved by many and mostly me! You are part of me; you showed me true bravery before I could understand what bravery was. You were pregnant with me becoming a single mother in your early 20’s, you took a leap of faith, moving from Italy to Canada in hope to give me a better future! YOU DID IT!! My future/life has been full of bold moves, ruffled feathers and taking chances. All because you were brave enough to take a chance.

I miss you so much; we lost so much time working through our diagnoses’ and our expectations of one another, instead of just being and accepting each other as we were. I will forever wish for that time back. We took TIME for granted.

Experiencing your death and memorial over Facetime & Zoom is and was beyond heart wrenching, to not be able to touch you, hold your hand, smell your skin, feel your kisses or kiss you back. I am beyond thankful for each call we had the last 8 days before you moved on to Heaven, seeing MOM come up on my phone and being able to answer and see your face and hear your voice, is and will always be a gift!! I am grateful for every single I love you said and I am sorry expressed. The last days of your life were the best days of mine because I was able to reconnect with you. Our Aries Fire will continue to fuel my own healing, as I keep on my journey of finding peace.

It all seems so unfair!

 

What I will miss the most:

*Grocery shopping and cooking together, teaching you how to read food labels was always my favorite and you teaching me how to taste the food as we cooked because no one needs a recipe when you cook with love and spices.

* Shopping for the latest fashion no matter where we were was always a highlight of our time together. We always found the best treasures.

*Snuggling up to binge General Hospital was always our thing and I will forever keep that tradition alive as long as our favorite soap stays on air.

*All the years I sat in your salon chair or helped you at the salon, I will miss you fussing over me and making sure my hair was always perfect, it is no coincidence that my 3 best friends, Lo, Chris and Sheila are hair stylists.

*It has been years but I will never forget how you would care for me after a rough night out, a sports injury or experience with the flu… I will miss you lying in bed with me rubbing my hair, getting a warm cloth for my forehead and making me hot water with bay leaves to calm my nerves.

*I loved always reading our horoscopes, taking long drives, lunches or dinners out just us our conversations somehow started light and always ended on a serious note, both of us always having so much to say, needing to be heard.

*Over the years I have missed so many holidays with you taking for granted that we would always have the next one, YOU MOM are what made holidays special, your thoughtful gift giving, the detail you put into every meal, table setting and holiday decoration.

Halloween will live on because it was always be your favorite and my favorite was watching you get all dressed up every year, cocktail in hand and bowl of candy in the other to greet the neighborhood kids with so much excitement.

* Dancing will forever be in my blood, our mini dance parties and car jams will live on, and you mom will always be my dancing queen.

*I will even miss arguing with you because arguing with you would mean that you were still here, and now there is no one to argue with, no point to prove, no disagreeing opinions, no more yelling or carrying on, it is just silent and I have to ask where do I go from here with out knowing that you are right where I left you so many years ago?

 

You said to me, in one of our last conversations that we will be closer now, more than ever before. I feel that this is true. You decided to find peace on the same day as the Double Aries Full Moon on Oct 1st 2020.  I have always felt connected to the moon….and now the light of the moon will always remind me of you, you have already come into my dreams wearing bright pink… you said to me, “ You are my SUN! xo” You have showed me white and red roses and literal FIRE every single day since you have transitioned, you have even given me SWANS!! There hasn’t been one day in the last 2.5 weeks that I haven’t broke down in tears, woke up in the night calling out for you, asking you and praying for more and more signs. You LUCY are a FORCE and you said to me, one of your nurses, told you that you are COURAGEOUS!! You faced death head on with complete grace, you accepted it and were ready to surrender and transition to be closer to GOD!! Mom you are and were so courageous, we may have decided to live differently, making different choices for ourselves but because of you, because of your journey I have the opportunity to live completely, whole, authentic and full. I will not waste a single day and I will not dim my light for anyone!!

We talked about going to Paris & Italy together, we said after “Cancer” we will go! I will still go for us!! I will celebrate your life by living mine and keeping you in my heart and soul every moment of every day! I will also wait patiently for you to make good on your promise for my AMORE!! Mom you are my SUN & my MOON!! Spread your angel wings wide, light your fire and shine bright, there is no one that can dim your light!!! I LOVE YOU FOREVER. I will make sure your courage and legacy lives on!! You are my OPRAH!

 

REST IN PEACE MOMMA… YOU DESERVE ALL THE PEACE!!

 

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