You know the saying; Home is where the heart is? This holiday season I am taking this saying very literal. I used to think that the meaning of these words, “HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS,” meant where I came from, where I was born. That road leads to Canada. (Don’t get me wrong I love where I come from, I wouldn’t be who I am today without those roots.) What this last year has taught me, is that home is where MY heart is! And for you that means home is also where YOUR heart is. Home is not where our families live, where we grew up, or where we go to for the holidays. Home is where there is peace with in, where the magic of our souls can dance to the vision of our dreams.
So here I am on Christmas Day in my apartment for the first time in my life, alone. (Technically Buddy & Paisley are here.) I come from a big Italian/Irish family, Christmas growing up was always an experience! That energy continued into my long-term relationship, as my ex in-laws also like to really experience the holidays. So, I never truly thought that spending Christmas alone or saying no to invitations was an option for me. Until everything changed this year. Now I find myself gracefully saying NO all the time and only saying YES to the things that feel like HOME in my heart!
For weeks pre and post-surgery I was torn with making the trip to Canada for the holidays to re-connect with my family, (a long over-due part of my healing process)! I weighed my options and most of all I weighed my emotions connected to my options. Also taking into consideration, the long drive in the winter to Canada from Connecticut, my diet restrictions, all of the supplements I would have to travel with, the dogs and their things, it just seemed like a lot of work less than two months post-op. What I recognized is that the emotional and physical energy that it would take to make the trip to Canada, would ultimitley take me away from MYSELF. I have worked so hard to get here, I decided that I needed to stay here with myself with no outside distractions a little while longer. I still have a lot of work to do in regards to my healing even though I am officially Free of Dis-ease.
After making the decision to stick around Connecticut, my girl tribe rallied to make sure the days leading up to the holidays and during would be full of one on one connection, dressing up, healthy dinners out, a little dancing and some much-needed laughs.
This has been my first holiday season on such a restricted diet. I had to get creative with my indulgences and I have to say being around all of the sugary treats and rich meal choices, it was much easier than I expected. I truly had no interest in anything that wouldn’t do my body good. I found recipes (check out my Thumb Print cookies) and tweaked them to have them work for me, allowing me the “experience” of enjoying, while not compromising everything I have worked so hard for. It’s funny; the last few weeks since Thanksgiving I have heard people around me say things like:
You only live once; life is too short not to eat it or drink it or after the holidays I need to buckle down and eat healthier… Sound familiar? I mean I used to say those things.
I have been asked: “Where do you get your will power?” That question is legit, I acknowledge how hard it is to make better choices for your life. Dang, I am truthfully so thankful that I was diagnosed with Cancer last year, because that was the thing that made me STOP everything that wasn’t good for me! Including overeating, over drinking, over stressing, over working, overextending myself and saying YES to too many people and things outside of my own needs. My answer to those who say things like life’s too short not to eat or drink all things is: Life is too short not to make choices that will help sustain me for a lifetime of being healthy!! One of the most important choices to make is the choice of what we put in our bodies.
What does one do alone on Christmas! I danced alone to Christmas music, I watched sappy romantic holiday movies, four to be exact (two on Christmas Eve & two on Christmas Day), I took the dogs to the beach at sunrise to run and play, Christmas morning, I cooked myself a yummy breakfast, including some amazing treats that I picked up from Izzi B’s Allergen- Free Bakery, no sugar, no dairy, gluten ( definitely not a green juice which is how I usually start my day), I read pages and pages of my current book: Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I unwrapped exactly two gifts one from My Breastie and one from My Momma. I stayed in my PJ’s, I wrote in my journal, I wrote some notes for my book and I spent time writing this blog post! It has been a pretty magical day overall. It did take me a second to relax into the day, to be honest waking up alone was a little weird and felt a little lonely. Then I took a second connected to myself, looking inside myself to find my way out of that lonely feeling. Making the choice, to watch the sunrise at the beach with my dogs and that’s when Christmas filled my heart. There was also a moment while I was sitting quietly eating my breakfast that I felt this overflow of FORGIVENESS. That forgiveness came to release any residual hurt I have felt from anyone who has not been a believer of my choices and my conscious healing journey. I hadn’t even realized that I had been holding on to that disappointment. My eyes filled with tears and I connected to deep love in that moment for anyone who had an opinion, that wasn’t aligned with mine over the last year. My whole Christmas experience has been liberating!
Going into a New Decade and a New Year leaves me feeling fresh and excited for what is to come. I trust that the plans for my next steps are unfolding just as they should be and I am taking time to ease into 2020.
Wishing EVERYONE the most beautiful New Year and peace of heart! Thank you for all of your continued love and support on my journey.