The word STABLE has new meaning to me:
(of a patient or a medical condition) not deteriorating in health after an injury or operation.
On Nov 4th, 2019 I had a lumpectomy (Read Post Surgery Results for more.) against most odds when the surgeon removed my tumor, the tissue was almost completely necrotic (meaning dead or damaged.) My margins were clear, and I was announced cancer free!
Fast forward to the beginning of May 2020, in the middle of isolation and a pandemic it was time for me to receive follow up scans. I went into these scans hopeful and confident because I had been dedicated and regimented to my holistic health plan and focusing on my continued healing.
The results came back and I was completely deflated, because of the COVID circumstances, I was not able to have my support system by my side, my scans were performed with only me and the technicians. That was bad enough, but then hearing that my diagnosis “may have metastasized to one axillary lymph node in my left arm pit, in the same proximity as my original tumor and possibly spread to my lungs, was heartbreaking to say the least. I say “possibly spread” because the nodules in my lungs were too small to determine if they were actually cancer. They were too small to perform any other tests, so my oncologist said let’s just wait and see what happens, knowing that I still felt strongly about staying on my holistic path. Tip: Find an oncologist who doesn’t react in fear based statistics and who supports your choices!
So how did I handle all of this? I decided to let loose a little, I stopped putting so much pressure on myself, COVID restrictions started to lift as summer approached and I definitely had a little too much fun. (My recent Blue Moon Energy Blog Post explains more.) I stopped thinking so much about cancer & my diagnosis and started focusing more on living in the moment, saying yes to things I would normally say no to! I also was spending my days working with a company I loved and being on the open salt water, almost daily. I believe salt water and sunsets can heal most things! Although I surrendered in a lot of ways, I still was and am very committed to utilizing my holistic healing modalities.
Infrared Hot Power Yoga
High Dose Vitamin C IVs
Inner Child Work & Therapy
High Full Body Vibration & Oxygen
Journaling & Writing
Dr. Joe Dispenza Meditations
Use of High Grade Essential Oils
Fast forward again to October 2020, the month that I will NEVER forget, it basically felt like a big ol’ tree fell on top of me. I don’t say this lightly, a tree seems like it would be heavy right? … Have you ever witnessed the destruction of a tree falling? Trees are a source of oxygen; a single tree can live up to 5000 years! They are strong and rooted so when a tree falls the weight can be damaging. Well, that felt like my life, uprooted, broken and damaged.
Which is ironic because recently I hiked Sleeping Giant in Hamden CT and some of the trails were consumed with visible, large above ground roots and some fallen trees the length of football fields. I thought to myself, “shit if that tree fell on me that would hurt!” Oct 1st, my mom died (Read More: Find Peace Momma.) and since then I can honestly say my life has felt damaged, reactive and out of control! After my mom died, I decided it was time again for more follow up scans, when Dr. Boyd’s office called me to book the scans, they scheduled me for Nov. 4th, 2020. Exactly one-year post surgery. Coincidence?
(I do want you to know that I get blood work done every 2-3 months to monitor my markers and my results always coming back absolutely perfect.)
And for the first time I went into my scans completely disconnected to an outcome, or actually maybe even expecting the worst. I have to admit I was much calmer in my body & my heart or maybe the feeling was numb. It had been less then 2 months since my mom became My Angel in Heaven! So, emotions of fear & dis-ease absolutely have left me exposed and vulnerable these last few weeks.
Regardless, for previous scans or tests I had prepared more, obsessed more and over thought the potential results, with the goal of being completely healed from cancer. NO Pressure!
This time I just took it as another day, again going in alone with no expectations to an outcome. So, when I heard the word “Stable” after waiting what felt like years for my results (only 3 days) I was a combination of shocked but not that surprised. In a span of 7mth “No Change.” Which is unheard of with someone with my diagnosis!
So as Thanksgiving has come and gone, I want to express my gratitude and celebrate my strong beautiful my body for staying in harmony, for working so hard to keep my cells and immune system working! I might not be Cancer Free at this time, but I am in a great place with “Stable” results after 7 months of living freely and truly for myself. Yes, there have been lessons learned and mistakes made, but I can’t help but feel that my results are a window that is open wide, to encourage me to keep going even on the days that I want to quit!!
Today marks 2 months since My Mom’s passing and 2 years since My Matty (Read More about My Matty!) also got his wings!! So for them I keep LIVING, keep writing and keep sharing.