In the beginning stages of my life-time therapy got a bad rap. I grew up thinking if someone needed therapy there must be something “wrong” with them.
Now, I know because of my experiences that there is something “wrong” with all of us and we are works in progress and also amazing just as we are. Ironically my major in college was Social Work, which means I studied aspects of communication with the purpose to help others who have experienced trauma & hard times. Although I did not take that career path, I did keep the foundation of those studies and applied them in my daily interactions to the best of my ability.
My struggle growing up was real (to me anyway) I had major attention seeking needs, brewing anger and disappointment always lingered. When I didn’t feel heard or acknowledged my temper would flair. I was constantly battling between my sweet, loving, enthusiastic nature and the rage lingering in the shadows. In my teen years communication was led by reactions. I surrounded myself with others who embodied that same underlying anger because then my reactions were validated, and I felt “normal.” I grew up in a home that instilled the push and pull of kindness, love, handwork, nourishment- then in the drop of a hat the environment would shift. Alcohol and physical violence played a huge roll in my upbringing but when the outbursts past all were forgotten and the love came back. The “problem” is that our cellular system and subconscious holds on to every negative experience and memory, as much as we try to move past and let go, the past will always be there and show up in new relationships and experiences, creating the same patterns as a result! Being diagnosed with Cancer gave me the microscope that I needed to truly face the emotions, disappointments and feelings that I have been suppressing for years. It is can feel scary to be faced with a diagnosis, it can feel scary to face the real life issues we struggle with internally, the scary and uncertain can easily transform to an empowering opportunity to grow in ways the soul longs for. When I started to do my research on my diagnosis and diving into the emotional component, I discovered that Breast Cancer is a matter of the heart. Which would make sense since the Breasts lay above our Hearts on our Chest Cavity. For me experiencing so much loss & disappointment in my life indicated to me that I must focus on healing my grief hoping to support my body in its healing process. I didn’t have to search too hard for Robin Queen Finkelstein my Slow Medicine Therapist. When I made the choice to receive help and guidance in overcoming my emotional struggles, the universe simply showed me Robin. Since working with Robin I have had numerous breakthroughs and “AHA” moments. Healing my heart, mind and body is a constant work in progress and sometimes I revert back to old habits because of my emotional triggers, the goal has not been to punish myself for taking a step backwards on occasion but to be aware and witness the sensations of those emotions in my body as they come. It is much easier for me now then it used to be to take a step back, look at the situation and ask myself thoughtfully how does this serve me. The people who trigger us most in our lives are our families & our romantic partnerships, our romantic partnerships are usually extensions of our upbringing, brought to us to teach us lessons and help us become more aware of ourselves when discomfort appears. I personally have struggled with my romantic relationships, mirroring what I saw in my own upbringing from my own parents. I have made unhealthy choices in partners mostly to fill a void in my own heart, realizing now that the void will never be filled up by someone else, but only within myself. How often have we settled for less than what we deserve, in love, interactions, friendships, work relationships because we believe that we don’t deserve better? These feelings come from the impressions left on us all as children. It is possible to achieve exactly what it is that we want, we just have to do the work and have more faith in ourselves.
Therapy has been a huge help to me, my conversation Robin Queen Finkelstein explains more about our work together and I open up about my own process with my emotions. As always I hope that what I share inspires you to be a better, braver and more loving version of yourself.
For more info about Slow Medicine & Robin check out her website!